Blog #8: Transformation, Grief, and Wardrobes

BLOG # 8: Transformation, Grief, and Wardrobes.

I hope, if nothing else, you will give me credit for interesting titles and how I strive to link seemingly disconnected items together and to retirement.

Transformation and grief – the words rather than the feelings – hit my consciousness this last couple of weeks. Wardrobes were an ongoing issue, but they are now resolved.

TRANSFORMATION

This past weekend I was listening to The Sunday Edition on CBC radio. Host  Michael Enright was talking about transformation. In Mr. Enright’s case his personal transformation was around giving up smoking, having children, and switching his metal coat hangers for plastic ones. . . but his point was that however small, transformation is an important process.

Here’s the link to the podcast. Mr. Enright’s musings on transformation start at 0.39: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Current-Affairs/The-Sunday-Edition-(CBC)-p492/?topicId=127128417

One comment in particular struck me and it has stuck with me: “If you want things to stay the same, then things are going to have to change.”  Mr. Enright said that he loved the idea behind the quote but that he had no idea what it meant. I’m with Mr. Enright on this one. In some ways, the meaning is perfectly obvious, but I suspect that that obviousness is hiding a deeper meaning that is currently eluding me. And, I suspect this may cause me to leap down yet another rabbit hole to chase a bunny who may or may not be there.

I am now five months into this semi-retirement thing, and I am beginning to think I am getting the hang of being a retiree. . . and there is certainly a lot of personal transformation going on. I don’t know if I am just overthinking this whole thing (a distinct possibility), or if I just didn’t prepare well enough for the emotional side of retirement, or if my decision to retire a couple of years earlier than planned is a contributing factor. I do know that the transformation from fully employed worker in a professional field to unemployed person in no field has been a tad rocky.

GRIEF

Grief is part of life, of course, and often leads to transformations. The recent death of a friend’s beloved horse got me thinking about grief in different terms.  And the term “grief” has recently forced its way into my thinking as I have come to realize that for a while I grieved the loss of my employment, my profession, my place in the working world. I had expected some grief, but I was surprised by the depth of that grief. Somehow, naming it gives me some control over it. I think I’m largely over that now – thank heavens-- but what a relief to have figured out why I was having such a rough journey for the first couple of months.

I had coffee last week with a  former SAIT colleague and she mentioned that only now, two years into retirement, is she thinking of herself as a retired person.

WARDROBE

You may recall my dithering around what to wear to the Charlotte Dejardin clinic way back in the summer and my ongoing musings about retirement clothing. For the Charlotte clinic, I settled on a crisply-pressed pair of jeans and lipstick because the clinic was in the Calgary area and there is not a problem in the world that cannot be fixed by the right shade of lipstick (or a nice cuppa tea . . . depending on the circumstances). That decision should have put me on the right road to the solution for my retirement wardrobe and would have saved me a couple more months of dithering if I had only paid more attention.

To be fair, you’d be hard-pressed to put Chris and sartorial splendor, fashion forward, or fashionista in the same sentence, but  clothes do maketh the woman, and it is important that the clothes match my new “job” as a retiree.

I am, quite frankly, amazed at how much energy I have been devoting to my worries about my retirement wardrobe. The last time I concerned myself with a wardrobe of any kind was back in the, oh, early ‘80s when John T. Molloy published his The Woman’s Dress for Success Book. I’ll bet I still have a copy tucked away in one of the many piles of books in one of the rooms of my home. I’ll bet that several of my friends also have copies tucked away somewhere. Back in the 1980s women were taking the business world by storm and were straddling the line between what might be seen as traditional women’s clothing and the female version of the male business suit. Mr. Molloy’s book hit North America by storm. Those of us then-young women struggling to make our way in the business world (not yet aware of the “glass ceiling”) were intrigued. I know I was . . . and not so much by the advice but the research that went into that advice. I’ve never been able to look at how people dress in the business world quite the same way ever since.

If you’re old enough to vaguely remember this book but can’t recall it, maybe this image will jog your memory:

Long before Mr. Molloy’s research and recommendations made their way back into my memories, I had started conducting my own informal survey of a few women friends to see if they had any advice for me. Informal as in not in the least scientific: no hypothesis, no well-thought-out testing, no defensible evidence.

Why is this “research” important?

Here's why: Chances are, in your retirement planning, you have given absolutely no thought whatsoever to your retirement wardrobe. You’ve taken care of your pension and your investments; you have taken care of your post-retirement career or activities; you may even have planned the trips you want to make before ill health and lameness rob you of the opportunities, but I’m just betting that you have never, ever given any thought to what sort of wardrobe you need to be a smartly-turned out retiree. 

So please take my struggles as my gift to you.

My women friends come from an education, a nursing, an equine, and an oil industry background. What follows is a summary of their comments (names removed to protect the innocent) . . .

“ It’s been a challenge to figure that stuff out!  . . .  there really was not a great deal of middle ground between my old office wardrobe and my babysitting/cleaning/gardening apparel. . . it actually took me a very long time to transition my wardrobe.  Initially, I had thought I’d keep everything that I used to wear to the office in the event I might go back.  When I shopped I would naturally gravitate to that look, too.  That really didn’t work. . . it’s now evolved to my wearing jeans of some form or another most of the time, even to a dressy event where I’ll put a better pair with a nice top or jacket and nice shoes.  .  I like scarves and good jewelry to dress things up.  I think with a big change like retirement we initially spend a lot of time thinking about how we’re presenting ourselves to the world because it’s so different from what we’re used to.  It takes some getting used to - I don’t think it can be rushed.”

“ I didn't need to buy a new wardrobe because my work clothes were pretty casual. I can get away with my work clothes any time I need something other than jeans which isn't very often. I do have some 'lady clothes' full length black skirt, matching trousers, and a couple of drapy tops. I have a pair of patent leather flats and a pair of Mary Janes to complete the ensemble. On the rare occasion when something semi-formal is expected I can get away with some combination of those which I dress up with a collection of infinity and regular scarves and pins.”

“An interesting question - one that another friend of mine and I have been discussing as she transitions into her "life of leisure." The hardest part I have found (and still have troubles with) is that I keep looking at clothes and think "that would make a good office jacket." Before retirement, I did have three types of clothes: office clothes, chore clothes and dress up clothes. I've recently decided that I'm not going to keep the "dressy casual" stuff in the closet on hangers. Now, unless I'm doing a "crud" job, I try to wear something a little nicer than I would have previously. I'm gradually getting rid of the office attire (thrift store, consignment) and keeping only those blazers that I really, really will wear to say a meeting, jury duty, etc. I've found this to be one of the harder phases of retirement - what a curious thought??? I wonder what Freud would think about this???”

One friend used the term “Elevated Casual” which I think is absolutely perfect for this transitional wardrobe as I transform from an office worker to a retiree.

There is some relief in knowing that I am not the only person who has struggled with this part of the transformation, and the question that I had previously consigned to the frivolous box is actually an important step in the transformation process.

. . . and then I had an epithany, or perhaps I really mean a blinding flash of the obvious.

I live in Calgary, and providing one has a good pair of nicely-pressed jeans, one can go pretty much anywhere. The bridge between my workplace wardrobe (many pieces I still have) and my barn wardrobe is so obvious: denim.

Jeans I already have: one pair of “Mom” jeans and one pair of skinny jeans. Somewhere I have a denim skirt.  I have a couple of denim shirts: one that is downright scruffy and fit only for the barn but the others that are quite smart if pressed. I was recently successful in my  hunt for a denim jacket. So that only leaves the search for a denim dress – and I’ll probably have to wait till a couple of weeks before Stampede for that item.  Everything else I own from multiple versions of black t-shirts to jewellery to shoes fits around the denim theme.

You have no idea how relieved I am!

So,  my wardrobe woes are all resolved and you’re unlikely to hear any more about it.

MISCELLANEOUS:

On my recent trip to the U.K. I learnt that “concessions” (seniors’ discounts) are not available on rail travel unless one has a rail card (which means one has to be a resident), the concession on entrance to Conwy Castle in Wales is a whopping 70p, and the concession on the hop-on-hop-off bus in Glasgow is a whopping One Pound. This is not enough to buy a cup of coffee . . . with the singular exception of Pret a Manger which has a decently-sized cup of coffee for 99p.

A friend of mine was talking about a movement in the U.K. where more and more folks are refusing to identify with their ages because they don’t feel their ages. She also suggested that the term Old Age Pensioner (OAP) be consigned to the bonfire! Good suggestion! . . . Let’s also dump the terms Seniors’ Discount and Golden Years to that same bonfire.

Grief and transformation are often connected to each other even if we don’t realize it at the time. Acknowledging both states of being and incorporating those words into how I see myself as a retiree are as important as resolving my wardrobe woes.

Or, perhaps, I really am just over thinking everything.