BLOG # 8: Transformation, Grief, and Wardrobes.
I hope, if nothing else, you will give me credit for
interesting titles and how I strive to link seemingly disconnected items
together and to retirement.
Transformation and grief – the words rather than the
feelings – hit my consciousness this last couple of weeks. Wardrobes were an ongoing
issue, but they are now resolved.
TRANSFORMATION
This past weekend I was listening to The Sunday Edition
on CBC radio. Host Michael Enright was talking about transformation. In
Mr. Enright’s case his personal transformation was around giving up smoking,
having children, and switching his metal coat hangers for plastic ones. . . but his point was that however small, transformation is an
important process.
Here’s the link to the podcast. Mr. Enright’s musings on
transformation start at 0.39: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Current-Affairs/The-Sunday-Edition-(CBC)-p492/?topicId=127128417
One comment in particular struck me and it has stuck with
me: “If you want things to stay the same, then things are going to have to
change.” Mr. Enright said that he loved the
idea behind the quote but that he had no idea what it meant. I’m with Mr.
Enright on this one. In some ways, the meaning is perfectly obvious, but I
suspect that that obviousness is hiding a deeper meaning that is currently
eluding me. And, I suspect this may cause me to leap down yet another rabbit
hole to chase a bunny who may or may not be there.
I am now five months into this semi-retirement thing, and I
am beginning to think I am getting the hang of being a retiree. . . and there
is certainly a lot of personal transformation going on. I don’t know if I am
just overthinking this whole thing (a distinct possibility), or if I just
didn’t prepare well enough for the emotional side of retirement, or if my
decision to retire a couple of years earlier than planned is a contributing
factor. I do know that the transformation from fully employed worker in a
professional field to unemployed person in no field has been a tad rocky.
GRIEF
Grief is part of life, of course, and often leads to
transformations. The recent death of a friend’s beloved horse got me thinking
about grief in different terms. And the term “grief”
has recently forced its way into my thinking as I have come to realize that for a
while I grieved the loss of my employment, my profession, my place in the
working world. I had expected some grief, but I was surprised by the depth of
that grief. Somehow, naming it gives me some control over it. I think I’m largely over that now – thank
heavens-- but what a relief to have figured
out why I was having such a rough journey for the first couple of months.
I had coffee last week with a former SAIT colleague and
she mentioned that only now, two years into retirement, is she thinking of
herself as a retired person.
WARDROBE
You may recall my dithering around what to wear to the
Charlotte Dejardin clinic way back in the summer and my ongoing musings about
retirement clothing. For the Charlotte clinic, I settled on a crisply-pressed
pair of jeans and lipstick because the clinic was in the Calgary area and there
is not a problem in the world that cannot be fixed by the right shade of
lipstick (or a nice cuppa tea . . . depending on the circumstances). That
decision should have put me on the right road to the solution for my retirement
wardrobe and would have saved me a couple more months of dithering if I had
only paid more attention.
To be fair, you’d be hard-pressed to put Chris and sartorial splendor,
fashion forward, or fashionista in the same sentence, but clothes do
maketh the woman, and it is important that the clothes match my new “job” as a
retiree.
I am, quite frankly, amazed at how much energy I have been
devoting to my worries about my retirement wardrobe. The last time I concerned
myself with a wardrobe of any kind was back in the, oh, early ‘80s when John T. Molloy published his The
Woman’s Dress for Success Book. I’ll bet I still have a copy tucked away in
one of the many piles of books in one of the rooms of my home. I’ll bet that
several of my friends also have copies tucked away somewhere. Back in the 1980s
women were taking the business world by storm and were straddling the line
between what might be seen as traditional women’s clothing and the female
version of the male business suit. Mr.
Molloy’s book hit North America by storm.
Those of us then-young women struggling to
make our way in the business world (not yet aware of the “glass ceiling”) were
intrigued. I know I was . . . and not so much by the advice but the research
that went into that advice. I’ve never been able to look at how people dress in
the business world quite the same way ever since.
If you’re old enough to vaguely remember this book but can’t
recall it, maybe this image will jog your memory:
Long before Mr. Molloy’s
research and recommendations made their way back into my memories, I had
started conducting my own informal survey of a few women friends to see if they
had any advice for me. Informal as in not in the least scientific: no
hypothesis, no well-thought-out testing, no defensible evidence.
Why is this “research” important?
Here's why: Chances are, in your retirement planning, you have given
absolutely no thought whatsoever to your retirement wardrobe. You’ve taken care
of your pension and your investments; you
have taken care of your post-retirement career or activities; you may even have planned the trips you want to
make before ill health and lameness rob you of the opportunities, but I’m just
betting that you have never, ever given any thought to what sort of wardrobe
you need to be a smartly-turned out retiree.
So please take my struggles as my
gift to you.
My women friends come from an education, a nursing, an equine, and an
oil industry background. What follows is a summary of their comments (names
removed to protect the innocent) . . .
“ It’s been a challenge to figure
that stuff out! . . . there really was not a great deal of middle
ground between my old office wardrobe and my babysitting/cleaning/gardening
apparel. . . it actually took me a very long time to transition my wardrobe.
Initially, I had thought I’d keep everything that I used to wear to the
office in the event I might go back. When I shopped
I would naturally gravitate to that look, too. That really didn’t work. .
. it’s now evolved to my wearing jeans of some form or another most of the
time, even to a dressy event where I’ll put a better pair with a nice top or
jacket and nice shoes. . I like scarves and good jewelry to dress
things up. I think with a big change like retirement we initially
spend a lot of time thinking about how we’re presenting ourselves to the world
because it’s so different from what we’re used to. It takes some
getting used to - I don’t think it can be rushed.”
“ I didn't need to buy a new
wardrobe because my work clothes were pretty casual. I can get away with my
work clothes any time I need something other than jeans which isn't very often.
I do have some 'lady clothes' full length black skirt, matching trousers, and a
couple of drapy tops. I have a pair of patent leather flats and a pair of Mary
Janes to complete the ensemble. On the rare occasion when something semi-formal
is expected I can get away with some combination of those which I dress up with
a collection of infinity and regular scarves and pins.”
“An interesting question - one that another
friend of mine and I have been discussing as she transitions into her
"life of leisure." The hardest part I have found (and
still have troubles with) is that I keep looking at clothes and think
"that would make a good office jacket." Before retirement, I did have
three types of clothes: office clothes, chore clothes and dress up clothes.
I've recently decided that I'm not going to keep the "dressy casual"
stuff in the closet on hangers. Now, unless I'm doing a "crud" job, I
try to wear something a little nicer than I would have previously. I'm
gradually getting rid of the office attire (thrift store, consignment) and
keeping only those blazers that I really, really will wear to say a meeting,
jury duty, etc. I've found this to be one of the harder phases of retirement
- what a curious thought??? I wonder what Freud would think about this???”
One friend used the term “Elevated Casual” which I
think is absolutely perfect for this transitional wardrobe as I transform from
an office worker to a retiree.
There is some relief in knowing that I am not the only
person who has struggled with this part of the transformation, and the question
that I had previously consigned to the frivolous box is actually an important
step in the transformation process.
. . . and then I had an epithany, or perhaps I really mean a
blinding flash of the obvious.
I live in Calgary, and providing one has a good pair of
nicely-pressed jeans, one can go pretty much anywhere. The bridge between my workplace
wardrobe (many pieces I still have) and my barn wardrobe is so obvious: denim.
Jeans I already have: one pair of “Mom” jeans and one pair
of skinny jeans. Somewhere I have a denim skirt. I have a couple of denim
shirts: one that is downright scruffy and fit only for the barn but the others
that are quite smart if pressed. I was recently successful in my hunt for
a denim jacket. So that only leaves the search for a denim dress – and I’ll
probably have to wait till a couple of weeks before Stampede for that item.
Everything else I own from multiple versions of black t-shirts to
jewellery to shoes fits around the denim theme.
You have no idea how relieved I am!
So, my wardrobe woes are all resolved and you’re
unlikely to hear any more about it.
MISCELLANEOUS:
On my recent trip to the U.K. I learnt that “concessions”
(seniors’ discounts) are not available on rail travel unless one has a rail
card (which means one has to be a resident), the concession on entrance to
Conwy Castle in Wales is a whopping 70p, and the concession on the
hop-on-hop-off bus in Glasgow is a whopping One Pound. This is not enough to
buy a cup of coffee . . . with the singular exception of Pret a Manger
which has a decently-sized cup of coffee for 99p.
A friend of mine was talking about a movement in the U.K.
where more and more folks are refusing to identify with their ages because they
don’t feel their ages. She also suggested that the term Old Age Pensioner (OAP)
be consigned to the bonfire! Good suggestion! . . . Let’s also dump the terms
Seniors’ Discount and Golden Years to that same bonfire.
Grief and transformation are often connected to each other
even if we don’t realize it at the time. Acknowledging both states of being and
incorporating those words into how I see myself as a retiree are as important
as resolving my wardrobe woes.
